Master Will Burn: The Parody
by ff-kh-luvrgrl
Summary: based on Master Will Burn, but no rape, just comedy
1. Chapter 1

ff-kh-luvrgrl: HELLO! my sis and I were being goofy one day, and i started making fun of my fic, Master Will Burn. We were having a lot of fun, and my sister suggested

I make a parody of it. Well, here ya go, akurokulvr!

This is dedicated to akurokulvr ad squeenix-yaoi-luvr, to whom I promised another goofy KH fic (this is it!)

Zack: ff-kh-luvrgrl does not own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, or any of the characters. She does own the fic this fic is based off of, though, so don't sue.

me: On with the fic!

OoOoOoOoO

(Roxas POV)

Roxas woke up in a comfy bed, with fluffy pillows and soft covers and everything.

"This is nice!"

Looking around, he realized that the room was totally girly. There was pink _everywhere_, and there were a ton of frills and bows on everything.

"This is kinda creepy... Oh, well, at least the bed's great. I should probably thank whoever's room this is for letting me sleep in her bed."

A man with long, silver hair walked in, glaring.

"Cloud, I told you to put him in the _other _room!"

"Whoops! Sorry!" came Cloud's replay as he ran in, helping Roxas out of the bed. "I forgot!"

"Cloud, you NEVER put someone in MY room! And you're supposed to be EVIL!"

"I am?" The silver-haired man glared at Cloud.

"YES. YOU ARE." Roxas decided to avoid the silver-haired man as much as he could.

"But... later on in the story, I end up helping--"

"Be quiet! We haven't gotten that far, you idiot!" Roxas whispered furiously.

"Whoops! Oh, yeah!" Cloud chuckled nervously.

"Whatever. Let's just get on with the story," the silver-haired man said, rubbing his forehead.

"Alrighty then, Sephir-"

"Ahem."

"-Master Sephiroth."

'Is this guy on drugs?' Roxas wondered, staring at the other blonde strangely. Cloud started to lead Roxas to the door when Axel popped in, wearing a SUPERMAN COSTUME. 'Oh, God...'

"I'M HERE TO SAVE YOU, ROXAS!!!"

"..."

"You're not supposed to come in yet, you flaming retard!" Sephiroth yelled at the hapless "hero."

"...I'm not?"

"No, you're not," Roxas said, rolling his eyes, "and PLEASE take that ridiculous thing off."

"Well, if you insist, Roxie..."

"I MEANT PUT ON OTHER CLOTHES."

"Aww, you're no fun..."

OoOoO

(a few minutes later, in another room. Cloud has just chained Roxas to the bed)

"Muah ha haa..."

"...Cloud?"

"Yes, Roxas?"

"Your evil laugh _sucks_."

"...Meanie," Cloud pouted, looking for something. Finding it, he straitened up, a triumphant look on his face. "Aha!"

"...a _feather?"_ Roxas said dubiously, and Cloud glared at him, crossing his arms.

"You won't be so tough in a few minutes when you're screaming for mercy."

"Wanna bet?"

"...'Kay. How about 50,000 munny?"

"Deal."

OoOoO

(with Axel and Sephiroth)

"How do you keep getting these things?" Sephiroth asked Axel, holding the costume with an eyebrow raised.

"Wouldn't _you_ like to know?" Axel replied mockingly, pulling his shirt back on.

"Yes, actually, I would. There's an Evil Villain Costume Party coming up soon and I don't have a costume. Your shirt's on backwards, by the way."

"Oh, thanks," Axel said, fixing his shirt. "I ordered them online. They'll bring them right to you!"

"Really?"

"Yup! And you can get them fitted just for you, so--" Axel was interrupted when he was smacked on the head with a noodle. ((A/N: you know, the swimming noodles! those can actually hurt, if you swing them correctly. Well, they'll hurt a _little_, anyways.))

"YOU MORONS! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HATE EACH OTHER, NOT BE HAVING A CIVIL CONVERSATION!!! MUCH LESS A CONVERSATION ABOUT _COSTUMES!"_

"Okay! Jeez, Leon, you really need to get laid," said the redhead, rubbing the spot Leon had hit.

Sephiroth nodded in agreement. "Totally."

OoOoO

(back to Cloud and Roxas. It's been about three minutes since we left them.)

"MERCY! MERCY!!" Roxas screamed, trying to get away from his attacker.

Sephiroth stopped in the doorway on his way in, staring at the two blondes in disgust, disbelief, and discomfit. Cloud continued in his torture until Sephiroth spoke.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

Cloud jumped off Roxas, still holding his feather. Roxas' shirt was pushed up, and he was out of breath, as Cloud had been tickling him mercilessly for the past few minutes. "Um... torture?"

Sephiroth's palm smacked his forehead as he groaned in annoyance. "Cloud..."

Sephiroth entered the room, closing the door before approaching the two blondes. "Cloud, you are _evil._ Evil people do not torture their prisoners with _feathers._"

"But-"

"NO BUTS."

BAM!

The three looked over at the door, which had been kicked down and was now lying on the floor.

"Oops. Too much?" Axel said, dressed in normal clothes, much to Roxas's relief. Looking at Cloud, he shrieked when he saw that Cloud was holding a feather. "YOU FIEND! HOW DARE YOU TORTURE ROXAS WITH THAT!" Axel promptly burned Cloud, incinerating Cloud's feather as well.

"NOOOOOO! MY FEATHER!" Cloud wailed, then fell over, lying on the ground in the fetal position and sucking his thumb.

"YOU WANNA BE NEXT, YOU SON OF A CRAZY BASTARD?!?!?!?!"

Sephiroth's eyes were as big as blitzballs, and he whimpered, before managing to squeak out one word, "no!" He then ran to the corner and attempted to hide behind a folding chair.

The chair did what it is named for - it folded up and fell over.

Axel walked over to the shaking "Master" and held out his hand. "Gimme all the keys to this place before I burn you Chocobo plushie."

"NOOO! NOT MISTER CHOCO!!!!"

"YES! MISTER... Choco?!?! ...Right. Anyways, Gimme the keys or the plushie gets it!" Axel demanded, producing a giant chocobo plushie from... well, who knows where. ((A/N: I'm not sure I WANT to know... lol jk))

"HERE!" Sephiroth almost ripped his pocket off, trying to get something out, which he immediately threw to Axel, who caught them in one hand, still holding the plushie in the other.

"...This is a GARAGE DOOR OPENER."

"Aah! here!" He threw all the contents of his pockets at Axel, which included: ((A/N: guess what song!)) 12 My Little Ponies, 11 pairs of high heels, 10 pink hair ribbons, 9 Megalixirs, 8 Barbie dolls, 7 Disney movies, 6 million munny, 5 used Q-tips, 4 inkless pens, 3 rotten eggs, 2 eyelash curlers, and lipstick in a gold case!

Axel stuffed all of the items (besides the keys) in his pocket, then leaped over to the bed ( which was a foot away from where he had been standing) and unlocked Roxas's restraints.

Roxas, tired from all the tickling and yelling, had to be carried, as he was (for some unknown reason) too exhausted to walk, even after sleeping for a few days. Go figure.

OoOoO

(an hour later)

"Jeez, Leon, do you _have_ to bring that thing?!"

"Yes."

"But what about your gunblade?" Leon froze, glared at Axel, dropped the noodle, and ran.

"Um, doesn't he know _I_ got his gunblade for him?" Seifer asked Axel, who shrugged.

"WHERE'S MY REVOLVER, DAMMIT?!"

OoOoOoOoO

me: ah-ha-ha-ha...

tis over.

...well, the first chap anyways. this is fun!

this will be updated whenever I update Master Will Burn (most likely)

welp, on to writ the next chapter!

p.s. - akurokulvr, my lil sis and faithful beta, helped me with the song. (in case you couldn't get it, the song was "The Twelve Days of Christmas" ...i WISH there were 12 days of Christmas...)


	2. Chapter 2

me: LOL IT'S BACK!

don't own it, do care, not sobbing about it (right now)

ON WITH THE FIC!

OoOoOoOoO

"WAKE UP, ROXAS!"

"AAAAAAH!" Roxas punched the person above him, sending the person crashing to the ground.

"Augb! Du brode by dose!" ((A/N: translation: Aagh! You broke my nose!))

Roxas looked over the side of the bed. "Oh. It's you."

Axel glared at him. "By jud BAHNED do DELL you dat I LUB YOU." ((A/N: translation: I just WANTED to TELL you that I LOVE YOU.))

Roxas just looked at him. "...Okay..." When Axel gave him a hurt look, he rolled his eyes and sighed. "Axel, I don't know what you said."

Axel slumped, thought for a second, then smiled and jumped up before running out of the room, holding his still-bleeding nose the whole time.

"I _really_ worry about him," Roxas said to himself, shaking his head.

"And normally, I'd worry about you talking to yourself, but I guess, given the circumstances, it's not that surprising." Roxas' head shot up, and he say an oddly familiar blonde that he _never_ woulda expected to see.

"_Seifer?!"_

"That's the name, don't wear it out!" The blonde said, smirking. "Wait... how did you know my name?"

" I knew you in Twilight Town."

"..."

"What?"

"Kid, I _never_ saw you in Twilight Town. The only blonde _your_ age that I remember is this kid named Hayner."

"What, you mean you don't remember me?!"

"Roxas, chill. He's really never seen you," Axel said reentering the room with a notepad and pencil before freezing, then looking at what he was holding and sighting. "Well, guess I don't need _these._"

"Axel, I _remember_ him!"

"Rox, you were _never_ in the _real_ Twilight Town."

"...What?!"

"That was a _virtual_ Twilight Town. You never met the real Seifer."

"...Dude, I _told_ you not to watch tv that late at night," Seifer stated.

"I'm not making this up!"

The two looked at him in disbelief.

"_Really!"_

OoOoOoOoO

me: sorry it's so short, but I decided not to do the flashbacks, as they were too dark to redo. (and 'cuz i'm lazy, but let's forget about that, okay?) i hope you liked it anyways!

peter: I didn't get to say anything at the beginning... ((cries))

me: aww, shaddup, you big baby. once again, i'm sorry about the length. please forgive me!

see ya next chap!


	3. Chapter 3 kinda

As chapitter free... er, chapter three, of MWB is all dark and scary-like - and pretty much all flashbacks - and i couldn't think of a funny oneshot to put here instead (taking too long), I came up with this song!

YAY SONGS!

Peter: ff-kh-luvrgrl does not own anything you recognize, except the MWB plot-ish stuff

me: ON--

Peter: WITH THE FIC!!!!

OoO

MWB: ch 3: The 12 days of my return!

.

ON THE FIRST DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME!!!!!!!

ONE SLAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE!

.

ON THE SECOND DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME:

TWO BLACK EYES!!!!!!!

AND A SLAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE!

.

ON THE THIRD DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME:

THREE MAGICKS USED!!!!!!! (dang, was that Lulu?!)

TWO BLACK EYES,

AND A SLAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE!

.

ON THE FOURTH DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME:

FOUR ROTTEN TOMATOES, (tomatoes, what did i ever do to you besides eat you?!)

THREE MAGICKS USED,

TWO BLACK EYES,

AND A SLAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE! (a little help? i'm getting pretty beat up here!)

.

ON THE FIFTH DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME:

FIVE POIIISONED COOOOOKES!!!! (coke! why have you betrayed me!!)

FOUR ROTTEN TOMATOES,

THREE MAGICKS USED, (easy with the thundaga!!)

TWO BLACK EYES, (i think i'm BLIND now!)

AND A SLAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE!

ON THE SIXTH DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME:

SIX UNDEAD ZOMBIES!!!!! (eww... they're drooling _slime!_)

FIVE POIIISONED COOOOOKES! (...they _look_ okay... maybe i'll still drink 'em.)

FOUR ROTTEN TOMATOES,

THREE MAGICKS USED,

TWO BLACK EYES,

AND A SLAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE!

ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME:

SEVEN ANGRY BISHIES!!!!! (i'm SORRY! it was for the story, i SWEAR!!!!)

SIX UNDEAD ZOMBIES,

FIVE POIIISONED COOOOOKES!

FOUR ROTTEN TOMATOES,

THREE MAGICKS USED,

TWO BLACK EYES,

AND A SLAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE!

.

ON THE EIGHTH DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME:

EIGHT BROKEN BONES!!! (not including the ones from the bishies)

SEVEN ANGRY BISHIES,

SIX UNDEAD ZOMBIES,

FIVE POIIISONED COOOOOKES! (...a sip couldn't hurt, right?)

FOUR ROTTEN TOMATOES,

THREE MAGICKS USED, (reflect, please? _anyone?_)

TWO BLACK EYES,

AND A SLAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE!

.

ON THE NINTH DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME:

NINE POINTY SWORDS!!!! (my tummy hurts now...)

EIGHT BROKEN BONES,

SEVEN ANGRY BISHIES

SIX UNDEAD ZOMBIES,

FIVE POIIISONED COOOOOKES!

FOUR ROTTEN TOMATOES, (blech! they taste bad!)

THREE MAGICKS USED,

TWO BLACK EYES,

AND A SLAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE!

.

ON THE TENTH DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME:

TEN PISSED-OFF BIKERS!!! (...scary...((whimper)) mommy...)

NINE POINTY SWORDS, (hey! i'm 'holey' now! just like George Weasley!)

EIGHT BROKEN BONES,

SEVEN ANGRY BISHIES,

SIX UNDEAD ZOMBIES, (they keep loosing limbs! it's _gross!_)

FIVE POIIISONED COOOOOKES! (...they look fine...)

FOUR ROTTEN TOMATOES,

THREE MAGICKS USED, (on me!)

TWO BLACK EYES, (i can't see the keyboard...)

AND A SLAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE!

.

ON THE ELEVENTH DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME:

ELEVEN MUTILATED BARBIES!!!! (...why do they all look like me?)

TEN PISSED-OFF BIKERS,

NINE POINTY SWORDS, (_very_ pointy!)

EIGHT BROKEN BONES,

SEVEN ANGRY BISHIES,

SIX UNDEAD ZOMBIES,

FIVE POIIISONED COOOOOKES! (they were yummy! ...poisoned?! crap! i forgot!)

FOUR ROTTEN TOMATOES, (they weren't _that_ rotten...)

THREE MAGICKS USED, (ultima _hurts..._)

TWO BLACK EYES,

AND A SLAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE! (i think my face is now permanently red)

.

ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF MY RETURN, MY REVIEWERS GAVE TO ME!!!!!!!

TWELVE AN-GRY REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!! (i _said_ i was sorry!)

ELEVEN MUTILATED BARBIES,

TEN PISSED-OFF BIKERS,

NINE POINTY SWORDS! (and they hurt!)

EIGHT BROKEN BONES,

SEVEN ANGRY BISHIES,

SIX UNDEAD ZOMBIES,

FIVE POIIIIIISONED COOOOOOOOOOOOKES! (cokes)

FOUR ROTTEN TOMATOES,

THREE MAGICKS USED, (on me!)

TWO BLACK EYES,

AND A SLAAAAAAAAP IN THE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

.

(and I think i'm dead now. though i'm impressed with the amount of damage i sustained before dying!)

.

OoO

me: ((pouts)) Peter said my line.

Peter: sorry

me; _my_ line the one i say before EVERY FIC!!!!!!

peter: ((getting scared))

me: it's my LAST LINE before the fic starts!!! and you STOLE IT!!!!!

peter: ((thinks quickly)) chocolate? ((timidly holds out peice of chocolate))

me: ((gasp)) CHOCOLATE!!! ((grabs)) thankyou! ((eats))

Peter: ((still scared))

me: ((glomps)) i lub you!

peter: O.o please review!


End file.
